She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life (KJV)
She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life (NIV)
She will not hinder him but will help him all her life (NLT)
She comforts, encourages, and does him only good as long as there is life within her (AMP)
Never spiteful, she treats him generously all her life long (MSG)
And if these versions of Proverbs 31:12 aren't convincing enough, a bit more evidence can be found here (all in HCSB format):
Proverbs 12:4 - A capable wife is her husband’s crown, but a wife who causes shame is like rottenness in his bones.
Proverbs 19:13 - A foolish son is his father’s ruin, and a wife’s nagging is an endless dripping.
Proverbs 21:19 - Better to live in a wilderness than with a nagging and hot-tempered wife.
Proverbs 25:24 - Better to live on the corner of a roof than to share a house with a nagging wife.
I'm beginning to see a pattern. There is no clause that specifies ANY time that a virtuous wife can be contempt or contentious with her husband. In fact, much evidence is presented that wives should never speak ill toward their husbands. We'll discuss that more in a bit. To dig deeper into the meaning of these verses, it is important to study the vocabulary used in the various translations.
Google defines harm as "actual or potential ill effect or danger." That seems a bit harsh to me. Of course I don't want to put my husband in danger either intentionally or accidentally. But we have to look past just physical danger in this definition. What type of danger do we cause our husbands when we constantly fuss about laundry, bills, what's on TV or where to eat dinner? I love my husband, but honestly when I am cleaning up the umteenth cup off his nightstand because Sweet Pea likes to pull them down, spilling whatever happens to still be inside them, I am not thinking of bringing him good. It goes against human nature, or maybe just against cultural norms of what we as women and wives should "put up with" or tolerate from our husbands.
I wonder how many times PW (Proverbs 31 Wife) had to clean up cups off her husband's nightstand? Or how often she laid awake just waiting for Hubby to fall asleep so she could turn off the TV?
So let's look at what TO do to bring our husbands good all our lives...
Matthew Henry's Commentary says:
"She makes it her constant business to do him good, and is
afraid of doing any thing, even through inadvertency, that may turn to his
prejudice..."
This means that a virtuous wife ensures that she doesn't even accidentally disrespect or "bring harm" to her husband.
I like to look at some newer translations here:
She comforts, encourages, and does him only good as long as there is life within her (AMP)Never spiteful, she treats him generously all her life long (MSG)
Google says to comfort is to "ease the grief or distress of; console." or to "improve the mood of or restore a sense of well-being to." That seems pretty straightforward. When Hubby is distressed, I should ease his grief or console him. I feel like I try to do that. Although, if I am honest, I sometimes just walk away and let him stew. I should probably be more active in consoling him. A long time ago I read The Five Love Languages and it was extremely helpful for me to understand and identify our communication deficiencies. My husband likes physical touch. The touch of my hand on his hand, or rubbing his head with my fingers communicates to him that I love him. This is not a natural event for me because it is not my love lanuage. I need to do that more to "improve his mood."
Henry goes on to say, "She shows her love to him, not by a foolish fondness,
but by prudent endearments, accommodating herself to his temper, and not
crossing him, giving him good words, and not bad ones..."
This means that we are past the "puppy love" stage of life where we are loving and doting just because the love is new, and fresh. Google defines prudent as "acting with or showing care and thought for the future." If PW is prudent with her endearments toward her husband, she is considering his feelings and his reputation into the future, past whatever squabble she sees with him at the present. That is SO very difficult to do. Instead of seeing the laundry on the floor, AGAIN, or asking for the trash to be taken out for the THIRD day in a row... PW is prudent and sees past these present flaws and chooses not to cross her husband with ill words.
Hmmmm... that seems difficult, and honestly not fair at first. But, on the other hand, is a fight over dirty underwear or trash really going to bring honor and glory to God?
Henry adds that the Proverbs 31 wife is also "attending him with diligence and tenderness when any
thing ails him..."
I struggle at being a caregiver for my husband. I'm natural with my daughter. I have patience, I go out of my way to hold and cuddle her and figure out what is ailing her that I can cure. With Hubby... not so much. This is definitely an area I can seek to improve upon.
The hardest part for me is yet to come... "And this
is her care all the days of her life; not at first only, or now and then, when
she is in a good humour, but perpetually; and she is not weary of the good
offices she does him: She does him good, not only all the days of his life, but
of her own too; if she survive him, still she is doing him good in her care of
his children, his estate, and good name, and all the concerns he left behind
him."
Wow... not just when it suits me, but always. Not when I wake up refreshed and happy, but even when I feel grouchy and grumpy. Not only when he is respectful and kind first, but perpetually. That's a tough pill to swallow for me. So often, I justify my actions because I feel an injustice has occurred and I am reacting to it. Or, I rationalize, "If only Hubby would... then I could..." But Henry's commentary brings up a valid point. There is no justification clause. There is no "if, then" statement in verse 12. It simply states that a wife brings good to her husband, all the days of her life.
Ok, so now we understand that we are supposed to be good to our husbands. But where will this goodness come from? (I mean obviously we need to pray for it and God will deliver the training through life lessons, but I need a plan. I need a checklist!) For that, I turn to Galatians 5:22-23, the fruit of the Spirit:
"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faith, gentleness, self-control. Against such things there is no law."
Notice this translation uses the singular term fruit and not the plural fruits. These traits are lumped together, not be separated. When we show our husbands these traits on a consistent basis, regardless of eternal circumstances, we will be bringing them good, not harm.
Almighty Father, Thank You for my husband. Thank You for the opportunities You have presented me to learn to show the fruit of the Spirit. Lord, help me to show love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control toward my husband consistently. Father I want to live according to Your will and be good to my husband all the days of my life. I want to comfort and encourage him generously without spite. A nagging wife can only bring harm to her husband, so I ask that You change my heart, O God, to reflect Your awesome grace and compassion. Remind me when I am picking up laundry or washing dishes that by serving my husband I am living in Your Word and bringing him good. Steer Satan away so that my heart may not be tarnished with negative thoughts that creep in, causing harm. I strive to be the woman You created me to be to fulfill Your will in my life. Help me to model for Sweet Pea what virtuous women do so that I may train her up in Your ways. I ask all these desires of my heart in Jesus' holy name, Amen.
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