Is it just me or when you make up your mind that you are going to change something for the better, especially spiritually, Satan attacks that much more ferociously. I mean, c'mon, seriously?
Ok, so today, Day 2, did NOT go according to plan. I was up most of the night tending to a fussy, teething Sweet Pea and did not sleep much. I tagged in the Hubster so I could get a nap at about 8:00 this morning. I slept for about an hour and a half before I was back on duty. I was grumpy. I was grouchy. But I was determined. Today I was going to bring him good, not evil (v. 12). I asked Hubby if he had fed Sweet Pea while I slept and he told me no, he had to work on a paper due this week.
Grrrrr... Ok, bring him good, bring him good.
I fed Sweet Pea and we played for a bit with the spring sensory bin I made before Easter. She loves those plastic eggs! Then it was bath time, for both of us. I bathed Sweet Pea and dressed her for the day ahead of running errands, last day of Spring Break and we were going shopping! I asked Hubby to keep an eye on her while I showered. His office opens directly to the living room where Sweet Pea was playing. As I stepped out of the shower, I hear the pitter patter coming towards me. "She wanted you," he hollers from the office.
Geeze, don't I get one free second? Good, remember... deep breath. He has a paper due. He's really busy. I can do this.
I manage to smear on some makeup while chasing a 1 year old around the bedroom. I also successfully keep her from grabbing the hot flat iron. It's a good day!
On the way out the door, "Can I go with you?"
WHAT?!?!?! You couldn't feed the baby or watch her for me to shower but you want to go shopping? Holy night... calm. calm. calm.
"I thought you needed to finish your projects?" I coo rather softly, with a smile.
He agrees and back the computer he goes. Out the door Sweet Pea and I go. Coffee!!!!
After several stops around town, including coffee, Ulta, and Bed Bath & Beyond, Hubby calls and has finished 2 of said projects and now would like to go eat. I comply, if he will go grocery shopping with me. I'm going to give this cooking at home thing a try. I haven't cooked much since Sweet Pea was born 17 months ago. Honestly, I don't mind the cooking. But the kitchen-cleaning after the cooking. That drives me IN-SANE!
I thought all through dinner I was holding it together pretty well, listening to Hubby go on and on about school and projects and wounds and nutrition... apparently not. He hits me with "What happened? You were so pleasant last night."
Awwwwwwww..... I. AM. SUCH. A. FAILURE.
I couldn't believe it. I was whiny. I complained about a comment he made at the grocery store that I really did create a mountain of nothing. And then got so mad when he laughed about it. But still... he noticed.
"It must be hard work to be that pleasant I guess." he says later at home.
Double whammy... "Why IS this SO hard?" I wondered to myself.
Heavenly Father, I love You and I am so thankful for the man You created just for me. Father, help me to have a pure heart and a loving, compassionate spirit with my husband. Help me to follow his leadership. Help me to pray for his well-being and not just because I want him to change. Help me to hold my tongue and speak with encouraging words. Help me to be "pleasant" and pleasing to him in all ways. My resounding cry is HELP ME! Only when I lean on You will I be able to accomplish the task of becoming a woman of virtue. I want to align myself with who You created to me, not who culture or the world dictates I should be. Help me, Father. As I study Your Word, commit these words and principles to my life. Write them on my heart, Father, that I would reflect Your compassion toward others, especially my husband. I worship and love You, my Almighty. I cherish the man You placed in my life and he deserves a virtuous wife. Help me, Father to resist the temptation to lash out in anger or contention. My desire is to bring my husband good, not evil. Praise to You, Lord that I can begin fresh and anew in the morning. In Jesus' holy name, Amen.
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